we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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