i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
