Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
