just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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