if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
