God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
