can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
