I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
as a side note pls kill me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize