Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
