i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
