I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize