What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
