I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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