I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
