I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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