the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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