I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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