heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
