GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You made out with two different species that night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
