My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
