Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
