how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
