god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i think i just lost a toe
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
