I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
