dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
