called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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