Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
