i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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