Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
