You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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