Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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