We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
