I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
