So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
