Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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