vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
