is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
