I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
