dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
