So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
