she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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