Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
organizing the empties. That sober.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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