so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i now understand why vodka
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize