Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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