4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
