dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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