god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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