i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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