TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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