dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
