I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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