Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
