Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
