Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would ride that face into the sunset
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
