Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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