Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
