I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
