we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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