I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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