Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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