No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
