I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
