how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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