You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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