At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
