Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
