Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
