I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.