he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo