So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn