I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.