so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.