i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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