Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
