You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
