508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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