i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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