He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My ass is underappreciated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
