i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
where does the pee come out of this thing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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