a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
