i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
